Anatomy of a Book Launch

1: Check e-reader and watch book arrive. There it is! Smile.

2: Check email

3: Check Facebook

4: Check Twitter

5: Check ranking with online retailers

6: Check # of reviews

7-11: Repeat #2-6

12: Wonder: how long until it’s appropriate to open the champagne?

13: Create a Facebook post and boost it

14: Get annoyed when Facebook does not approve your ad

15-19: Repeat #2-6

20: Not happy with ranking or reviews. Was it premature to buy champagne?

21-25: Repeat #2-6. Post something funny yet mostly unrelated to your book launch. Marvel at the interaction of your online friends. They seem to care!

26: Buy your own book in paperback and ebook on every platform you own, just to help boost sales

27: Look up the sales ranking of every other author who had a release the same day as you

28: Walk away from the computer and spend 45 minutes cleaning your bathroom

29: Marvel at how well the tub and shower doors clean up when you’re really focused on them

30: Life is okay, your bathroom is clean!

31-35: Repeat #2-6

36: Engage in entertaining conversations on Twitter and Facebook. People respond. Feel validated.

37: Open champagne because you waited long enough

38-42: Repeat #2-6

43: Determine that you didn’t do enough to promote your new book

44: Immediately start planning the promo campaign for your next book 6 months out

crushedvelvetAnd on a completely unrelated note: CRUSHED VELVET, Material Witness #2, is out this week!


Mysterious Galaxy (signed copies, sent anywhere):

Diane Vallere | @dianevallere


Author: Diane Vallere

Diane is the author of four mystery series. Like her character Samantha Kidd, she is a former fashion buyer; like her character Madison Night, she loves Doris Day movies, like her character Polyester Monroe, she lives in California; and like her character Margo Tamblyn, she has a thing for costumes. Find out more at

18 thoughts on “Anatomy of a Book Launch”

  1. I see the cats are still there in/on your book. I’ll pick up my book later this week. If you get frustrated, you can always clean my bathroom.


  2. This was a wonderfully entertaining column. I have the first book and loved it. This new book is on my library hold list. Thanks for the wonderful entertainment.


  3. Too funny! Barnes & Noble seemed to be having some issues yesterday. I didn’t get my pre-ordered Nook copy until 2 or 3 in the afternoon, and I couldn’t get on their website at all for about an hour. I have it now, and read a few chapters last night. 🙂


  4. 45. Check Amazon ranking in category.
    46. Check Amazon ranking in subcategory.
    47. Check Amazon ranking in sub-subcategory.
    48. Clean behind the refrigerator.
    49. Repeat.

    Congratulations on your new book!!!


  5. It’s a funny world we live in! This, clearly, is tongue-in-cheek. (but perhaps those of you who are looking forward to your first book coming out should bookmark this post…) xoxo to all!


  6. Laughed out loud at this, especially since my debut mystery just came out on July 22 (and what’s with Amazon Japan getting the print copy before Canada?) I am trying not to obsess but … my bathroom is VERY clean!


  7. I was just thinking about how I was going to survive the launch day of my upcoming debut novel. Now I know I’ll be spending a lot of time in the bathroom. 🙂 Thanks for this up close and personal view!


  8. Love your other series, and being a quilter, gotta read this one. Thanks for giving me a reason to avoid cleaning my bathroom… it’s my day off, right? And I have a new book to read, right? And if i do them both on the Sabbath, it’s a double triple mitzvah, a blessing! I heard all good things come to those who wait, and here’s the proof.


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