Stylist: What can I do for you?
Me [indicating longish, past-the-shoulders hair]: I’d like a trim, please.
Stylist: Ok, what would you like?
Me: It’s all the same length, so how about just a half-inch all around?
[two minutes later]
Stylist: Um, the back is longer than the front, so is it ok if I cut an inch off there?
Me: So that it’s all the same length?
[seven minutes later]
Stylist: I’m done.
Me: Ok, is it all the same length now?
Stylist: Yes. Except for your bangs.
Me: My what?
Stylist: Your bangs. In the front.
Me: I haven’t had bangs for decades.
Me: Where do you see bangs?
Stylist [gestures toward my face]: There?
Me: Yeah, that hair was the same as the rest. Because it’s all the same length.
Stylist: No, those front pieces were already shorter.
Me: And now they’re much shorter.
Stylist: Well, the front of your hair is curlier than the rest.
Me: Not really.
Stylist: Maybe it just looks shorter.
Me: Actually, I’m pretty sure that now it is shorter. Since you just cut it.
Me: Could you please cut my hair so that it’s all the same length?
Stylist: Yes, but normally people like it longer in the front.
Me: But you just cut it shorter in the front.
Me: Ok, whatever. Please, I would like my hair ALL THE SAME LENGTH.
Stylist: All the same? All around?
Me: Yes. ALL THE SAME LENGTH.
[five minutes later]
Stylist [looking horrified at chin-length fiasco]: Wow, that’s short.
Me [wanting to shriek]: I’m not…uh, super happy about that.
Stylist: I wouldn’t be either.
Me: [jokingly]: You’re making me feel pretty good about it.
Stylist: Well, it’s really short.
Me [sadly]: Yes, it is.
Stylist [brightly]: Will that be cash or charge?
And…scene. This doesn’t have anything to do with writing; it does, however, have to do with things falling (and the feeling of sitting there helplessly whilst our tresses rain down unexpectedly, which is a minor sort of horror since we know that whatever remains after all the wild scissoring is what we’ll have to deal with). Can anyone relate to getting an unwanted “scarecut”? And, in the name of all that is good and right, does anyone have a solution?